True happiness and Happiness

True happiness was when I saw Alice in Chains live at the mosh pit and Mike Inez gave me his guitar pick.
True happiness was Fayçal made me happy unconditionally, which covered the entire 2012 even though those were short moments.
True happiness was catching guppies in Taipei
True Happiness is liberty, unconditional and Pure.

Happiness was Juvi stopped playing with his furry friends and ran over to me, it was like "Hey, don't leave me." He made me smile :)
Happiness is Juvi running, playing and tagging happily.
Happiness is saying "How are you" to the people at the office everyday, hearing them saying they are good.
Happiness was when people think of you unconditionally, care for you and your future unconditionally.
Happiness was going to Marina Bay Sands with Fayçal in 2012.
Happiness was where I played and fed the kangaroos in Oz.
Happiness was listening to The Charlatans, The Only One I know when I was young.
Happiness was when I was still in school, studying Strategic Thinking & Skills Module where Mr Azmi and those bunch of classmates whom care for me and made me smile.
Happiness was where I gave people extra to make them smile.
Happiness was when people are humane and kind to me whichever country I was in.
Happiness was eating oysters at Taipei and riding the horse up to the mountain in Semarang.
Happiness is giving, sharing and caring.

I still try and stay happy these days, even though after August 2013, everything was not true anymore... I can't believe that happened. I can't accept it. I refuse to accept it. :( Sometimes you made a mistake, everything just gone away from you.
I really hope one day I will be able to find back my happiness and true happiness again.
And I wish everyone is able to find their happiness and true happiness.

Sad for a year-ish

I don't think I can be happy anymore. I have been very sad for more than a year.
The times when I got happy was only when I saw NIN and Alice in Chains. Nothing else. I thought I was happy again but no sadly. Still remembered I have been recluse for a year.
It only just gotten better when I went back to JWT. 
I guessed Dubai really effected me a lot. That is life. No one cares. Just, don't know how to be happy anymore.
As the saying goes, if you have been fooled once, that's ok because you are not careful. But if you have been fooled twice, it means your stupid. I have been fooled more than twice. Lol.
Nose bleed. I die young!!

Thoughts

I been listening to Ellie Goulding's new album for almost an hour, didn't interest me sadly. I thought of going to her concert next week. I prefer her first album.
So I been wasting a lot of time these few months, partly because my life is in a mess. I don't know how to solve them. I missed Perth, and really hope to stay there as long as possible with Jethro. He doesn't want to talk now. I don't know why. Maybe he's gone to the new island.
Heinz, are you married? 

Random thoughts again

A bit drunk. Normally I have screwdrivers with plenty of vodkas. Sometimes it's a 1/4 orange juice and and sometimes it's a 1/2.

I just had Sprite and vodka with a 1/2. Pretty drunk, pretty bad, pretty sober, pretty lethargic whilst typing.

I really don't know why I kept dreaming about Vahan. He doesn't even want or bother to contact me and yet I still think of him, our happy moments and even dreamt of him daily... I just want this friendship back... I don't even dare to text him because I was afraid of the answer.

And I don't even know where Heinz is and Fayssal. Heinz doesn't even care about me anymore I guess. Fayssal the same as well.

Even on the train, I saw people using iphones to watsapp their friends, logged onto Facebook to chat with their friends, and I am just listening to music and thinking. I guess I am going to be alone forever...

I haven't find myself yet... Reasons why I have been out lately to all these attractions were because I want to find myself. I even prayed to ask for signals and doing some soul searching. Sometimes even doing the same routine, over and over again. Hoping things will change and be back the same. Not sure whether will it happen again...

My teacher has always wanted me to be contented, grateful and thankful for what I have. Heinz taught me these life experiences as well.

I have been listening to Mad Season, too much of them that I forgotten about Nine Inch Nails. To be honest, Trent launched his new album and I was pretty excited. As soon as I listened to his new full album, I really don't know what he was singing about. It was like getting bad-er :( I don't know, maybe I will listen to him someday again. He has changed... But I have not...

Trying to run away again. I don't know whether I should or not.. Haven't made up my mind yet...

Long Gone Day

Dear Creator, tell me what I am supposed to do? Two months down the road. My dream has been bashed. -Dubai  I have long lost my confidence and courage. It has been banished to half. The burning torch inside me has starting to extinguish.
I am left with Vahan.

When we met for the second time, I asked him for monetary. I didn't mean it seriously when I asked for it. Because I will never ask anyone for monetary. I always listen to what Heinz has taught me. I questioned him and asked him whether I should go, he said he wouldn't want me to. I was in denial. I wanted to keep this friendship very much.

After our trip back from Tioman, he said we shouldn't be meeting each other too often. I am causing harm to him. The texts that he sent to me have changed as well...

I hugged him, telling him not to leave me. He said at some point in life, he has to. As the saying goes, nothing last forever... :(

I have been deadly depressed ever after since I started this new job. Late hours. Excessive of vodkas. Heavy work loads.

Alice in Chains, Mad Season... Layne is my drug.


Life and the world suck, everyone has their struggles, issues, demons, voices. It's easy to talk crap when your not standing in there.

Thoughts

I have not been blogging. Been busy with my work, my designs(!), teaching, watching many horror films. Many things have been happening at the same time.
I have watched quite a fairly amount of horror films during the midnight lately.

- Detention of The Dead
- Slasher House
- Beneath
- The ABCs of Death
- Saturday Morning Mystery
- The Demented
- Would You Rather

My next film to watch: Jugface

I am still waiting for Franck's reply. Hoping for good news. After five months of searched, I got landed here. After another two weeks of searched, I am exhausted...

I have been really exhausted lately.

Till only yesterday, I got the chance to buy Juvi's dog food with my cousin when he drove me there and we actually went for a ride the whole Sunday! I was glad, thought I would be stuck with work.