Tuesday, June 10, 2014


It all goes back to March, all because of Trent lol. I still think Trent brought us together.
Alright, so I got really, really, really screwed up back then and I was not sure how to proceed further; even right now my mind is half clear. So I decided to give myself a break as I felt like I haven’t deserved anything for so long! I decided to leave to Australia for Trent.
I wanted to meet someone there and ended up no, partly because of my liberty and I need to sort out my life; ended up not lol. But we still talked via email. Even after I got back awhile, we still messaged to keep in touch. 
We talked a lot and that was really a lot about our past, our daily life, films and music and our pets too. Because there were care and love in the messages, that was why I thought we knew each other for so long even though they were short moments, with excessive messages every day. I used my feelings too much.
Then one day, I had thoughts to leave again to Taiwan, Hong Kong or Australia. I really love peaceful moments at these countries. I haven’t been to Taiwan as I have got no news from Claire yet. So I just thought why not I would just go back to Australia again since I love there very much and don’t want to return back to where I am again.
He offered me his place and told me he has got the bed sheets prepared for me which made me felt really very warmth and love. I have never experienced something like this in my life. And we finally met. He wanted me to have a good time there. And I stayed at his place. I did pay him back some money and we shared food money because I don't want him to feel like I am using him... That is not me...
So we ended up doing quite a number of things that I would never forget. I taught him painting, he cooked me shepherd’s pie, went to The Zig Zag, Swan Valley; to eat ice cream at Margaret River chocolate factory and The House of Honey to eat ice cream and bought honeys too lol, hang out at Perth City, Carousel, South Perth and ate at Sopranos.
But we didn’t see kangaroos or went to the zoo lol.
I even felt asleep on the couch and he covered blanket for me. I just felt so much care and love by someone whom I have known for so long even though I have met him for two days at the period of time. I just don’t want to go back anymore. 
So we still talked when I came back and I was lost because a couple of things happened that I did not wish to say and my last message pushed him away as I was really down last week and it is best not to trouble anyone. It is just about the entire thing I had screwed up back then…
But I know he really cared about me. I am not sure whether those moments were true since he is confused... Sigh.
Maybe we are not meant to be :( Maybe everything we have spent was not true... :(
That day I came back. He spread his flu to me and we both ended up sick. He went to the hospital and I was really worried and asked him if he needs me to go back to Aus and the second day he was fine and went out for lunch with a friend... Then at that point of time, I have forgotten he still have friends to care about him. But me, none. Lol. I am just silly. I just thought he had no friends. I am too worried for him and I even texted him.
Heinz once told me, what's yours is yours and if it's not yours, you should just leave it and not take it.

I miss you Jethro. 
"Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks, Gonna be that one and then once we get them, it's never the same, You want them when they don't want you, soon as they do, feelin's change"
Sometimes people and their feelings changed, but my feelings will never change.
It makes me really sad when everything is not true... :( I don't know if those moments were true or not, but I really hope so... 

How I wish this life can be started all over again then I wouldn't screw all the things up. But this time round, I have made up my mind. Wednesday is the day! Erin, please don't let me down! X

Sometimes, in life, if we made one mistake or one bad decision, that's it. Gone.
Sigh I don't know anymore.

I do understand that life is transient and nothing last forever.

Funny thing is, whenever I got screwed up with some stuff, everything just seems to change…

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