Sad for a year-ish

I don't think I can be happy anymore. I have been very sad for more than a year.
The times when I got happy was only when I saw NIN and Alice in Chains. Nothing else. I thought I was happy again but no sadly. Still remembered I have been recluse for a year.
It only just gotten better when I went back to JWT. 
I guessed Dubai really effected me a lot. That is life. No one cares. Just, don't know how to be happy anymore.
As the saying goes, if you have been fooled once, that's ok because you are not careful. But if you have been fooled twice, it means your stupid. I have been fooled more than twice. Lol.
Nose bleed. I die young!!

Thoughts

I been listening to Ellie Goulding's new album for almost an hour, didn't interest me sadly. I thought of going to her concert next week. I prefer her first album.
So I been wasting a lot of time these few months, partly because my life is in a mess. I don't know how to solve them. I missed Perth, and really hope to stay there as long as possible with Jethro. He doesn't want to talk now. I don't know why. Maybe he's gone to the new island.
Heinz, are you married? 

Unconscious decision

Dubai wants me.

I am making a lifetime decision that is going to affect me in the next couple of months and towards the end of the year. No one knows what's going on actually. I wanted to tell Jethro, but I think he gave up. I pushed him away :( So I have no one to talk to now. No more morning love messages anymore. Heinz made me today. Because there was care, it created love. Because there was love, it created give. Maybe we shouldn't have meet. I think I better sort out my life before contacting him again. I don't know though, I guess it would be too late by then. I missed our moments at South Perth.

"That is ok you don't have to apologise because I am stupid. Maybe you just think I am like some girls out there but thank you for telling me the truth, i really appreciate that, thank you. just tell me if you want me to erase all the memories there since they were not true and common out there that people do, and i will never ask you again.so i dont know anymore, if the love now is real or not but it doesn't matter anymore. thank you for the love. and i mentioned i dont really have so much care so you don't have to care for me as well as i dont want it to be a hindrance to you. take good care. " 

Still remembered, I ever told Azmi once I was a slow learner.
It's June finally! Realised I have wasted almost of 1/2 year of 2014.
But hey, March was kind of happy. #TrentNIN

I asked Talan what if one day I don't teach him anymore. He said he would cry. He dreamt about me yesterday when it completely slipped through my mind that I have to teach him. So I went today.

I guess leaving is the only decision to cure my depression.
How do I get myself landed in all these situations?

Thoughts

Lost, super lost.

H, tell me what I am supposed to do. 

F, the last day we met, have you already resigned? You misplaced your phone in the hotel, was it a lie? Did you actually give it back to the office? 

If that was not the end from your side, how long do I have to wait? Am I waiting for you or am I waiting for H? And you said I was your girl? 

I thought we could discuss in details when you told me your there, but I didn't hear any news from you after that. I tried to email you, and an email from your contact. I still got no news.

Were all these months that we had spent meeting together all lies? 

I am leaving next month. Not sure where I am going. Not sure where life will lead me.

In late March, I thought I would be heading to SME. I was asking the Creator, did it really want me to go there? After all, I took the lead and head to MNC. All I got in return for those five months were stressed, tired, and dread. But I always believe in life, we have a choice.

After all, it wasn't what I was looking for and what I wanted. But still, I got into this MNC which I am still working there now. 

I love all the fun activities that are organised by the committee members.

However at the same time, I have met and experienced many types of faces. 

There are kinds, friendlies, helpful, fakes, two-faced. Be it online or offline. They are the same.  

My life and my mind started to change quite a lot ever since I entered the world of MNC.  

Whether I regret it or not?

The answer is definitely No. It's part of my future. 

I always see people with their friends or partners happily together. 

I wondered when could I ever experience all these(again)... That's my definition of happiness- being together happily in a relationship with someone you love, the person you most want to be with...

I was at Urban Bites last Monday. Saw a guy that looked similar F again. The other time at Tanjong Beach with Sasha, I saw another guy, I was thinking were they the same person, that looked similar to F.
He was with a lady talking about some projects that they have been working on, guessed she was from Taiwan. This man...I am guessing he was from The States. He asked her about her weekend, and how did she find the food there etc.
Don't know why. I just missed F. The words that this man has said to her, his skin, his body, not exactly his voice,  but it's a feeling. Je ne sais quoi. 
I wondered how is he doing...

Noticed it's the FIFA World Cup in Brazil now. Remembered how I have known H after the FIFA World Cup in SA ended...

I am trapped in these two persons' dogma... H the most...